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How I escaped an abusive marriage

Posted in Uncategorized on October 4, 2018 by amanisma

11 years ago God blessed me and allowed me to escape an abusive marriage. I’d only been married 3 months when it became increasingly violent. It started with verbal/emotional abuse. Name calling and threats to divorce occurred more times than I could count. There were times when I tried to avoid arguments by getting in my car and driving away only to have my ex try to block me in and chase me down the road. I thank God there was never an accident. A week after my ex came back from Hajj he grabbed me by the hair as I was holding my 6 month old daughter and dragged me to the floor. He kicked me in the face and tried to pry my daughter from arms. I knew whatever he would do to me after would be 10x worse so I held her as tight as I could. The following day when he calmed down he asked me how I was. I told him my face hurt and he yelled at me and told me I was “trying to make him feel bad”. I stayed silent about my pain and was seriously plotting an escape. When I was pregnant we got into an argument and he told me I wouldn’t be happy until he was dead so I could marry “a big black n****”. He is Hispanic and had insecurities about black men. He would accuse me of looking at every black man that passed. He once showed up at my job (upon my request due to short staff) and questioned the fed ex guy who happened to be black about whether or not I had told him I was married. During the former argument mentioned while I was pregnant, my ex retrieved a gun from the closet . My entire family was visiting at the time so they are a witness to the following. I immediately exited the room and heard a gunshot. I cried out and began sobbing. My father was praying and heard me crying. When he finished praying he and my mother approached me and asked what was wrong. I could barely catch my breath as I was certain my ex had shot himself. Everyone stood around nervously walking towards the bedroom. My ex walked out of the room as if nothing happened. My mother began yelling at him and asking what he was doing with a gun. She told him she didn’t want it in the house. It was my parents home we were living in at the time. My ex left for work and I found the gun and hid it. From that time until October when there was a shooting at the Islamic Society Of Brevard County, I kept the gun hidden in an unused oven. My ex convinced me to give him the gun because he might need it to defend us. I foolishly believed him. From that time I walked on eggshells, afraid a fight would end in him threatening to take his life and taking mine as well. On the night of February 13th 2007 my ex and I got into an argument. Many nights he would come home and play video games for hours and when I would fall asleep he would wake me “demanding his rights”. I would oblige just to avoid a fight but this time I let out an expression that revealed my objection. He became angry and from there the biggest argument we had began. It didn’t end until he retrieved the gun from the closet and threatened to take his life. I begged him not to and cried that our daughter needed him in her life. She woke up from all of the noise. Her face was red from crying as she pulled herself up in her play-pen. I still remember her little face looking up at me as I told myself I needed to do whatever it took to make this end peacefully. I grabbed his arm and tried to take the gun from him. He held it over her play-pen as he tried to keep it away from me. I saw our lives flashing before my eyes. For some reason, something must’ve snapped in his mind and he left the room. I locked the door and called the police. I told them my ex was threatening to take his life. I whispered my address over and over as fast as I could then hung up and threw my phone on the changing table. I heard him banging on the door and became so frightened that he would shoot through the door if I didn’t open it. Reluctantly I opened the door. At that same moment the 911 dispatcher called my phone back. My ex saw the light on my phone and picked it up yelling at me “what did you do?”. He then punched me in my mouth so hard blood splattered across the sheets and on the wall. He yelled and said he would be arrested because the gun illegal.Still in survival mode, I told him to hide the gun before the cops came. He left the room again and before he could return I heard a knock on the door. It was the cops. They took him outside and came to check on me. When they saw my face, my ex was arrested and that was the end of us ever living together again.

#DomesticViolenceSurvivor #ISurivived #GodSavedme #SilentNomore #blogger #writter #surviver #AllamericanMuslima #tellYourStory #FreeYourMind #Truthwins #LoveWins

https://www.facebook.com/1421247718172145/posts/1933320056964906/

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Unjust (full video)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 20, 2018 by amanisma

“Unjust”

I’m disgusted by the taste of blood from biting my tongue

It’s been a long time, I can no longer be the silent one

And this is strictly about those serving extended time

For nothing more than a nonviolent crime

Is the purpose to rehabilitate

Or completely annihilate

The soul of a child, woman, or man

It’s clear it’s a real sick and demented plan

That’s about more than keeping the streets safe

And if it’s really the case

Why the discrepancies when it comes to sentences?

Why are these rapist and child molestors roaming free?

While others are serving close to life terms for some weed?

This can’t be about redemption

When the prison is another form of mass production

Close to free labor; just call is slavery

Charging them as men when they couldn’t win since they were babies

Who are the ones with the harsher convictions?

Who are the ones mostly exonerated?

But not before their spirits are completely obliterated

And these are stats

So don’t bother ask me why I’m worried about that

Because when I cry my tears are black

So I spit facts laced, traced, and dipped in all black

And if I ever take this off then my skin is still Black

So what’s up?!?! Video shot by: @areginalmedia

Protestors: @n.a.j.i.y.y.a.h @saudia_halim @nafoosaa @huey_delite <——> ::swipe::

#Unjust #Prisonsystem #prisonreform #dismantle #schooltoprisonpipeline

#blacklivesmattertoo #exonerated #exonerationproject #nonviolentcrimes #endprisontimefornonviolentcrimes #storytelling #moderndaygriot #blackculture #mycultureishalaal #empoweredmuslimah #blackmuslimgirlfly® #blackhijabi #blackmuslimahexcellence #bilalianexperience #americanmuslim #allamericanmuslima #muslimhiphop #muslima #woman #empoweringwomen

To those who mock Muslims with fake concern and silly questions.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 15, 2018 by amanisma

It’s been a minute but I want you all to check out what I’ve been working on…

All American Muslima t-shirt shop now open!!!

Posted in Uncategorized on June 27, 2017 by amanisma

Get your All American Muslima slogan tees. Now available at AllAmericanMuslima.Com 

Ankara Kouture review

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2016 by amanisma

I ordered the “Kente Empress” wrap and earring set on the 23rd of June. Initially I hoped to wear this set on Eid which was predicted to be on either the 5th or 6th of July. I figured I had enough time since standard shipment for the company stated 2-5 business days. After placing the order I get an email saying my order should arrive in 7-10 business days. I was a little disappointed as I’d already planned my Eid outfit and all that was needed was the wrap and earrings. 
Fast forward 7-10 business days, still my order had not arrived. I waited a little longer before reaching out to the company. On the 19th of July (nearly a month after placing my order) I email the company to let them know I hadn’t received my order. I didn’t get a reply so two days later I send a Facebook message to the company page. Still no reply. Finally I comment on a post asking to be contacted about my order. Less than two hours later I get a response asking for my order number. I provide the number but still no details about my package was given. I wait three days then comment on a public post again asking for details about my order. Once again I get a quick response. I get an apology for poor communication. In addition I was told my order was held up in customs and should arrive soon. 
Two days later my package arrives but it’s not the item I ordered. The picture of the “Kente Empress” is black and white. The item I received was black, white, and red. The fabric looks much different than in the picture as well. I immediately send a message and a photo about the mix up but have yet to get a reply. This message was sent 28th of July. 
When I received the package Thursday I checked the website to see if the description included “red” and the item was marked “sold out” so I was unable to click the item description. A few days later the website was marked “currently unavailable”. 
At this point I have no choice but to keep the item but I must give this company 1 star for overall dealings. Shipping was slow. Communication was poor. The icing on the cake was receiving an item I didn’t order. It looks similar but definitely is not the same.


What I ordered on the right. What I received on the left. (Photo credit: Ankara Kouture website)

Why the Yearly Request ‘Forgive me if I’ve done Something Wrong Knowingly’ Bothers Me a Little 

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2016 by amanisma


Every Ramadan social media is flooded with request for forgiveness. We ask others to forgive us if we have done something wrong knowingly and unknowingly. Now the unknowingly part I get. Sometimes we do things that hurt others and we are unaware. In these cases we, the “wrongdoer”, aren’t given a chance to apologize or correct the mistake because we simply are not aware we have done something wrong. It’s completely understandable to cover that base and seek forgiveness because it’s unknown. 

Now for the knowingly part, why can’t we apologize to the people we have wronged? We know when we backbite or slander each other. We know if we have divorced and left children behind and refuse to take care of them. We know if we cut family ties, i.e. preventing a father from seeing his children. We know know if we have fought with a Muslim. We know when we lie on someone to make ourselves look good. We know if we run a business and hurt the communities by selling alcohol and synthetic drugs. We know when we are profiting from cheap unfinished products. We know if we have instigated an issue and caused problems for our sister. We know! We know! We know! 

In these instances we are aware of the wrong, so why wait until Ramadhan (or traveling) to toss out the request for forgiveness? It seems it’s become more of a ritual to ask in this manner. It’s become expected that before Ramadan and during Hajj season there is an influx of such request. I’m sorry but I’m truly giving the side eye to the “knowingly” part. Let’s make this year we accept the wrong we do to others and give our Muslim brothers and sisters their rights. Apologies are much more sincere when we accept what we’ve done and make necessary changes. 
Here are some alternative solutions to seeking forgiveness for the knowingly examples of wrongs mentioned above: 

1. If we backbite/slander a Muslim, go to the person and apologize. If you don’t have the guts to do that then speak good of them in the same company in which you tarnished their name. If you can’t do that, then get them a gift.  If can’t do that then stay quiet. 

2. If you have a child you do not  take care of then change your life. Get a job. Support your children. There are no excuses for not taking care of your children. Asking for forgiveness only works when you stop doing the wrong that you are apologizing for. Asking for forgiveness yearly as your child suffers seems a bit fake. 

3. Cutting family ties specifically between children and their fathers. Sometimes marriages don’t last but that doesn’t mean the children must suffer. Honestly, if there wasn’t abuse involved then there really isn’t any good reason to keep a child away from their father. Reconnect the child with their parents. Allow them to figure out how they feel on their own. 

4. Fighting with Muslims. Does this really need an explanation??? We know when there is either a verbal or physical altercation but rarely offer an apology. In fact, the dispute doesn’t end there. Too many times we quarrel and the first thing we do is call a friend and discuss what “just went down” ultimately inviting others to backbite. We could handle the issue in a more mature manner. Accept that anger has momentarily taken over and follow the sunnah when it comes to removing the anger. 

5. Telling lies on others to make ourselves look good. All I can suggest is stay calm and speak the truth. May Allah protect us all from hypocrisy and telling lies. Ameen

6. Can this be the year the Muslims stop selling alcohol and synthetic drugs? Aside from the clear evidence from the Quran telling us its wrong, statistics prove drunk driving is the cause many deadly accidents. Also there are many videos online showing reactions to the harmful synthetic marijuana K2. Now, I’m not saying selling real marijuana is any better but I mention the K2 because it is legally sold in many convenient stores along with alcohol. This is knowingly harming others. There isn’t any good that can come from either of these substances. 

7. Profiting from cheap products. If I purchase a pricey abaya from a Muslim business there is no reason I should have to literally retrace every single stitch because it’s falling apart. That shouldn’t happen after the first wear. On top of that having a “no return” policy. Come on! This is not right and if we sell any type of product then we should charge according to the quality. High quality should be high priced. Enough said. 

8. Instigating problems between Muslims. This goes along with backbiting but I’ll just say this, we should not be going back and forth with the “he said she said”. Such a mentality should have ended in grade school. Let’s solve our issues with each other and leave it at that. Let Islam make adults mature again. Ya Allah, Ameen! 

I know we all make mistakes. This is what makes us human. All I am trying to get across is that we refrain from being of those who act out certain rituals depending on the times of year. Let’s try to be better people for the sake of being good and pleasing our Creator. We all do things that unknowingly hurt others and for that I ask forgiveness for as well. As for the pain we knowingly cause let’s try to correct those faults instead of throwing yearly requests that feel a little phony. Especially if we don’t change our ways. May Allah make us all more sincere and courageous…Ameen 

Tips On How To Respond To A Woman In Hijab

Posted in Uncategorized on February 4, 2016 by amanisma

Tips on how to respond to a woman in Hijab. 

In a world where women seem to be wearing less and less clothing, seeing a woman covered can be quite alarming. The startling effect may be especially intensified in a town where the Muslim population isn’t so high. One may wonder how to respond when seeing a hijabi (Muslim woman wearing my hijab). Here are a few tips that’ll keep life smooth: 

1. Mind your own business. This is the simplest thing one can do when they see a woman in hijab. Her decision to wear hijab isn’t up for debate. Whether one acknowledges a woman in hijab or not, she will still wear it. If your dislike for hijab is so strong the best advice I can give is : Mind your own business 🙂 

2. Save negative comments. It’s not necessary. Negative comments won’t make a hijab wearing woman suddenly decide to remove the hijab. Blurting out “it’s too hot for all of that!” is just so childish. I couldn’t wear someone else’s hair sewn or glued to my scalp but you won’t catch me speaking nonsense every time I see a woman wearing a weave. I actually think some weaves look nice but the unnecessary commentary about what I can’t do won’t leave my lips. It’s so pointless. I just can’t begin to explain how ridiculous one appears making such comments. Remember, no one asked you. 
3. Don’t ask silly questions. Honestly, I don’t mind questions as long as they are respectful and make sense. If you want to know why I wear hijab you can ask me. One can only learn by asking questions. What really gets me is when someone wastes my time by asking a silly question like “do you shower with that on?” Or “do you wear that to sleep”. Let’s think about this for a moment and analyze why such questions are in fact petty. Firstly, what would happen if you showered with clothes on? A hijab is just an article of clothing. Do you shower with your pants and shirt on? Asking if one showers with hijab is basically the same. As for the “do you wear that to sleep?”. Think about it. If you’ve seen me on more than one occasion wearing a different hijab why would you think I wear the same hijab to sleep, in the shower, etc? It just doesn’t make sense and I’m totally giving you the side-eye if you’ve ever asked such a question. 

4. Keep your hands to yourself. Unfortunately, some find snatching a woman’s hijab off comical. It’s only fair that a warning is given that not all hijab wearing women will take this lightly. Touching my hijab is assault. I will react. Please don’t. 

5. Don’t stare. Staring is still rude. Yeah we know we look different. We know what the media says about us. Still, We.Are.Human. When I step out my only desire is to conduct business without catching a creep staring me down with an evil glare. It’s weird. At least if you are going to stare respond when I say “hello” otherwise prepare for a stare down and trust me, I won’t lose. Muahaaahahaaahaha!!! Just kidding. But for real, don’t get caught staring and expect a meek reaction. Staring is weird and rude. 

6. Be respectful and respect you shall receive. That is the bottom line. I respect those who respect me. You don’t have to like the way a Muslim woman CHOSES to dress show respect. You can say “hello” or not. Either way is fine with me, but please don’t stare and make rude comments. It is possible to have a civil interaction. Opinions concerning another’s lifestyle aren’t always necessary. Let’s keep it polite.  

 

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