Archive for backbite

Why the Yearly Request ‘Forgive me if I’ve done Something Wrong Knowingly’ Bothers Me a Little 

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2016 by amanisma

Every Ramadan social media is flooded with request for forgiveness. We ask others to forgive us if we have done something wrong knowingly and unknowingly. Now the unknowingly part I get. Sometimes we do things that hurt others and we are unaware. In these cases we, the “wrongdoer”, aren’t given a chance to apologize or correct the mistake because we simply are not aware we have done something wrong. It’s completely understandable to cover that base and seek forgiveness because it’s unknown. 

Now for the knowingly part, why can’t we apologize to the people we have wronged? We know when we backbite or slander each other. We know if we have divorced and left children behind and refuse to take care of them. We know if we cut family ties, i.e. preventing a father from seeing his children. We know know if we have fought with a Muslim. We know when we lie on someone to make ourselves look good. We know if we run a business and hurt the communities by selling alcohol and synthetic drugs. We know when we are profiting from cheap unfinished products. We know if we have instigated an issue and caused problems for our sister. We know! We know! We know! 

In these instances we are aware of the wrong, so why wait until Ramadhan (or traveling) to toss out the request for forgiveness? It seems it’s become more of a ritual to ask in this manner. It’s become expected that before Ramadan and during Hajj season there is an influx of such request. I’m sorry but I’m truly giving the side eye to the “knowingly” part. Let’s make this year we accept the wrong we do to others and give our Muslim brothers and sisters their rights. Apologies are much more sincere when we accept what we’ve done and make necessary changes. 
Here are some alternative solutions to seeking forgiveness for the knowingly examples of wrongs mentioned above: 

1. If we backbite/slander a Muslim, go to the person and apologize. If you don’t have the guts to do that then speak good of them in the same company in which you tarnished their name. If you can’t do that, then get them a gift.  If can’t do that then stay quiet. 

2. If you have a child you do not  take care of then change your life. Get a job. Support your children. There are no excuses for not taking care of your children. Asking for forgiveness only works when you stop doing the wrong that you are apologizing for. Asking for forgiveness yearly as your child suffers seems a bit fake. 

3. Cutting family ties specifically between children and their fathers. Sometimes marriages don’t last but that doesn’t mean the children must suffer. Honestly, if there wasn’t abuse involved then there really isn’t any good reason to keep a child away from their father. Reconnect the child with their parents. Allow them to figure out how they feel on their own. 

4. Fighting with Muslims. Does this really need an explanation??? We know when there is either a verbal or physical altercation but rarely offer an apology. In fact, the dispute doesn’t end there. Too many times we quarrel and the first thing we do is call a friend and discuss what “just went down” ultimately inviting others to backbite. We could handle the issue in a more mature manner. Accept that anger has momentarily taken over and follow the sunnah when it comes to removing the anger. 

5. Telling lies on others to make ourselves look good. All I can suggest is stay calm and speak the truth. May Allah protect us all from hypocrisy and telling lies. Ameen

6. Can this be the year the Muslims stop selling alcohol and synthetic drugs? Aside from the clear evidence from the Quran telling us its wrong, statistics prove drunk driving is the cause many deadly accidents. Also there are many videos online showing reactions to the harmful synthetic marijuana K2. Now, I’m not saying selling real marijuana is any better but I mention the K2 because it is legally sold in many convenient stores along with alcohol. This is knowingly harming others. There isn’t any good that can come from either of these substances. 

7. Profiting from cheap products. If I purchase a pricey abaya from a Muslim business there is no reason I should have to literally retrace every single stitch because it’s falling apart. That shouldn’t happen after the first wear. On top of that having a “no return” policy. Come on! This is not right and if we sell any type of product then we should charge according to the quality. High quality should be high priced. Enough said. 

8. Instigating problems between Muslims. This goes along with backbiting but I’ll just say this, we should not be going back and forth with the “he said she said”. Such a mentality should have ended in grade school. Let’s solve our issues with each other and leave it at that. Let Islam make adults mature again. Ya Allah, Ameen! 

I know we all make mistakes. This is what makes us human. All I am trying to get across is that we refrain from being of those who act out certain rituals depending on the times of year. Let’s try to be better people for the sake of being good and pleasing our Creator. We all do things that unknowingly hurt others and for that I ask forgiveness for as well. As for the pain we knowingly cause let’s try to correct those faults instead of throwing yearly requests that feel a little phony. Especially if we don’t change our ways. May Allah make us all more sincere and courageous…Ameen 



Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2013 by amanisma

These days it seems as though most us don’t fully understand what sisterhood is. Before I go any further I must say I may not be the best sister in the world but there are too many issues to ignore.  As sisters we shouldn’t be so quick to talk about and judge each other. Most of the time (and I mean most of the time like 99.9% of the time) we have absolutely no clue what is going on in the personal lives of others. Many wear a mask when leaving their homes. They smile and say “Allah is sufficient for me” when in fact times are extremely difficult. A lot of times when thinking of the hungry we think of individuals in far away places. We never think the ones starving could be the ones praying next to us. The ones who were made fun of for wearing the same dress frequently.

At times we don’t even have the decency or common sense to keep our negative thoughts to ourselves. We begin by saying “AstaghfirAllah, but…”. Starting a backbiting session (or any sin for that matter) by saying “God forgive me” doesn’t make it better. It seems it would be worse because we actually know better. We should keep in mind the rights of our sisters (and brothers). At the end of the day we may ask God to forgive us but we still need the forgiveness from the ones we’ve talked about. The reality about backbiting is it hurts others. We are all humans and as strong as we try to be when we learn we have been slandered we feel pain. Especially if we are slandered by ones we trusted, stood up for, prayed for, etc.

As mentioned earlier, many times we don’t know what is going on with our sisters. When we don’t see each other for a while we automatically think “oh so and so has changed” or “she thinks she is this or that”. Instead of picking up the phone and calling we talk about our sisters to others. Our sisters could be at home sick, going through a rough time, or suffering in some way or another and here we are talking about her. To add to that point, in her suffering, she may be making du’ah (supplicating) for us. Do we know? Do we check on each other? or Do we just chat for mere entertainment? God Knows best what is going on in each of our lives and only he can judge, but we must hold ourselves accountable.

Another issue when it comes to sisterhood are the cliques that exist. I am aware this is just not a local issue either. It is completely understood that when one moves to a foreign land they want to be around people who speak their language, eat the same foods, and have the same culture, but “As Salaam Alaikum” and a smile are universal. You don’t have to be from the same place to exchange the greetings. Many times sisters will walk pass a sister who doesn’t share the same background and not even acknowledge her. Sometimes it’s as though she doesn’t exist! Once again we are all human here, so this may have an affect. We should treat others the way we would like to be treated.

As sisters let’s all strive to be better to each other. I feel the main hindrance to a strong sisterhood is our inability to stop backbiting. We must find new topics of conversations other than the lives of our sisters. Being connected and loving each other for the sake of Allah is a start. Allah didn’t put us here to tear each other down and be divided. Each and everyone one us are sisters. It doesn’t matter the background or status. Those petty things should not stop us from forming a strong sisterhood where we encourage one another to be the best we could possibly be. May Allah help us all and make us amongst  the sincere.

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